This house doesn’t seem to want to swallow me up as it did 5 years ago at the start of my empty nester living.
I no longer hide in the master suite which seemed like a sailboat far away from shore. Which surrounded me with fog making it impossible to see the lighthouse.
Soon prayer became a book I started to read but could never finish. I could start a prayer but soon the words left me and the tears found me. I’ve learned since that tears are a language God only hears! I realizes I didn’t need the words for God to hear my heart. And oh how grateful I am that he understood those tears!
This time alone was a struggle for me! Soon it became my time of reflecting on the past! The childhood memories, teenage years, rebellious twenties, early marriage years, and the secrets I kept for just about everyone in my life growing up. It drowned me! It choked me! It haunted me! It almost destroyed me! It made me angry, a lot! Was it possible that being a busy wife and mom kept me from facing the hidden demons I had packed away so long ago? Yes!
My empty nest soon played my past I never wanted to think about but thought about a lot! Scene after scene it played out ever childhood hurt, dug up ever teenage regret, wild twenties, early marriage mistakes, and repeated everyone’s secrets over and over in my head until I had no excuse but to scream out for help. So I did.
I plan to write it down here and to keep sharing with you how I healed and now how I live healed!
This empty nest that I thought would kill me actually rescued me. There was nothing left to distract me, keep me busy, or to mask my every emotion. It forced me to seek God’s help like never before. I desperately needed him to heal my soul, repair my heart, to teach me to forgive and to let go. He certainly did! I certainly healed, forgave, let go, and I continue too everyday!
The fog is gone and I know how to find my way back to the shore if I ever get lost again!
I enjoy my alone time now and appreciate the planned visits with my adult children.
I’m so thankful for the past five years and all that it has taught me and all that it has taken away from me!
Stick around and live my over 50 living with me!